I haven't blogged for several months, no reason really, I guess it is something I always meant to get round to but never really managed it. It is a fowl wet windy day here today so I have some space to write.
I don't like New Year's Eve. I think it is an over hyped day when people think that past midnight their problems will be over and life will be better as the 1st of January dawns. I've never got why people want to stand outside in the cold, get drunk, and "see it in" - perhaps I am old and boring. But on a more positive note, perhaps it is a day to reflect on the year that has passed, and think about the things I can control in the year ahead.
I am hopeless at resolutions, but this year perhaps I need to take more time to be. Someone said to me on Christmas morning "you have worked so hard" and I give the impression I rush about, even though I know I do less in a day than I used to and I am better at looking after myself than I used to be. A long period of illness at the end of 2011 taught me many lessons.
I have this wonderful Max Ehrmann quote hanging in my study. It is a painting by my Dad presented to my great Auntie Ede on completion of 60 years as a Sunday School teacher in the little chapel I grew up in. It is also known as Desiderata, Latin for, I think, "things desired as essential."
I am not good at noise (apart from turning up the music loud when I want to sing along to pop music. Pick of the Pops on a Saturday afternoon is a gift and protected time for me, even if I catch it later on the i-player) but I am not good at noise - parties, large crowds, commotion and chaos.
I am not good at haste either, I like to procrastinate. I will always put off to tomorrow what I needn't do today, especially things I don't want to do at all.
But perhaps not being good at either of these things isn't a disaster. I think if I had any advice for my churches I care for it would be to slow down. "Success" isn't measured by how much stuff we do, how busy we are to the point of burnout and disillusionment, it is measured by the quality of our activity, the depth of our life together, how much joy and fulfilment there is in being and doing what we do well. Perhaps doing less noise and less haste, I need to set smaller goals, have less on my to do list every day, then I will actually achieve more because I will feel better about myself. I want my four lovely churches as we begin a process of review in a few years to do less things well, rather than a lot of things half heartedly. None of us should feel permanently tired trying to do the impossible. The Jesus I read about calls us into life, not into a perpetual state of knackered-ness! (My spell checker underlines that word in red but I want to keep it there because it is a good word.)
What am I intending to about finding peace this year?
I think I am going to have a shorter list each day of things I need to do.
I will stick to having time at the beginning of my day to do devotions. I am a member of the Methodist Sacramental Fellowship and their daily office is superb - and I am hopeless at doing it.
I will take longer over breakfast - that means getting out of bed earlier!!
I will spend longer with my wife and with my friends. They are all a gift to me and I forget that so easily. I have times booked to see friends in my diary already through the year and that feels good.
I am seeing a spiritual director this year - I've finally got round to finding one!
I will explore a local retreat centre, and I will go on retreat in Lent. A blog I posted earlier from Stephen Cherry whose writing I really enjoy, suggests having those sort of things in your diary and also holidays and to be able to look forward to them is vital.
I will write more liturgies and bible studies as both refresh me.
When I have meetings in London, I will take time after the meeting to enjoy being in London. I love walking through the streets and being there. Central London above ground is much more interesting than under ground. I don't need to rush home.
I will attend things this year that have nothing to do with the Methodist Church. I will do this! (I never want to become one of those people who can only talk about the Methodist Church.)
I will continue to make all four of my churches feel valued by not giving them the impression I have no time for them and need to rush off from them to something else. My diary needs space in it. I am getting better at this.
I will laugh more and fret less. And I will try and cope with life's complexity calmly rather than witter on negatively winding myself and those around me, up.
I will take advice given to me the other month when faced with a problem - count to ten before responding, and don't write an e-mail straight back when you receive one. Things written in haste can cause great damage.
And what about silence? I enjoy silence. I love quiet days. I am quite happy in my own space. Perhaps churches need to shut up more and listen to God. I think I am a good listener. Not every space needs to be filled with words. Perhaps all of us just need to breathe.
My favourite bible verse is this one from the little read prophet Zephaniah:
"The Lord will rejoice over you with gladness, he will quiet you with his love" (3: 17)
If we don't take in this year, how will we be fulfilled as people?
Of course, all of my ideas above may well be broken by January 3rd, but it is good to start positive. I hope people who need to go out and party tonight have a good time. I might be sad and listen to Tony Blackburn for three hours on Radio 2, or I might go to bed. But however we mark or don't mark the turn of the year, all of us hope that we will be better people in the one to come. I think a good way to start is looking after ourselves!
