Living in the moment

I was on an Advent retreat yesterday at the lovely Penhurst Retreat Centre a few miles from my home. I am very glad I put a line through a Saturday in Advent a long time ago. It was the most wonderful day, led ably by a spiritual director called Sue, and full of companions from all sorts of backgrounds and with all sorts of needs.

Over the last four days, people have challenged me about living in the present moment a lot more and finding God in the present moment rather than spending time in pain about the past, or trying to do something about the future I can't control, or maybe isn't my business.

On Thursday, my spiritual director suggested I review the year spiritually and look at where God was in it and what God has been to me in it. I have not had the easiest year of my life in 2013. My personal life has changed and sometimes it has been hard, yet God has always been there. I have taken a lot of comfort from the "whining Psalms" as I call them, where God gets it from the Psalmist straight! But this year has also brought me a lot of comfort as I have developed groups looking at spirituality and have been changed by them.

On Friday I was challenged helpfully to think about resting a lot more in who I am, what I offer and not worrying about what others are doing around me. My natural reaction to unknown futures or difficult problems is to try and sort things myself, to get involved, to help, when sometimes I need to stand back, let others sort things, and wait for people to come to me for help if they need me. I have a children's book on my shelves "The Little Mole Who Knew It Was None Of His Business" - sometimes I am that little mole! Maybe sometimes we just need to do what we do faithfully, be the person we are called to be, and let the world go mad around us. If all is well with my soul, then I will find peace. I need help though, in not fretting especially when people around me are going mad about things... I have started at the end of the day lighting a candle and sitting still - it is an amazingly powerful thing to do. Thomas Merton had it right: "I want to remember to unplug the flashing lights," he once wrote.

Then yesterday on this retreat, I was really challenged about the blessings of today I have. Sue reminded us that Advent is a time to allow ourselves to be looked at by God, to hear the angels bring "glad tidings of great joy" for today, to like Mary hear the words from God, "blessed are you who believe what the Lord has spoken to you," and to be like Christ, who heard words from God too, "you are my beloved child, with you I am well pleased."  Then I read this article. In the Guardian  Giles Fraser quotes A S Byatt the author, who says: "The word Facebook is very interesting, because it means it's a mirror. And you need a mirror because you haven't got a picture. You need a mirror to tell you who you are." In other words, social media is all about "exchanging constant reassurances that you exist".  Then Fraser offers this commentary:  "As a sort of digital fasting, I'm going to give up social media for a while. The problem is that we have become terrorised by image, constantly fretful to manage the self that is reflected back to us, neurotically checking how many followers we have, at the mercy of other people's sense of who we are. Once we followed the star. Now we follow the stars, hoping they too might follow us. But maybe, just maybe, the star itself is a better guide. And, best of all, it doesn't always lead back to me. " 
People want to be noticed, and followed today. I don't want to be noticed. I just want to be quiet. I am very happy in the background.    

How have confrontations this past week helped me? Perhaps they were with angels!
Well, Thursday reminded me I am still in one piece, I still have blessings and God has been there even in the darkest pain this year. 
Friday reminded me that the best thing to do is get on with your life and be yourself and to worry less about things you can do very little about, or you can make worse if you try. 
And yesterday reminded me that I need to open my eyes more to what there is that is good, and to be open to God's surprise, the theme of all my services this year. 

I know a lot of my friends out there find my blogging helpful. I am writing this for those of them who cannot find time to be in this season. I just say that taking time this last week to reassess with companions on the journey, some I will never meet again, has been a moment of grace. Oh, and Penhurst is a lovely place to come and be. I am glad I have discovered it. The next retreat day there in February will be an interesting one - I am leading it!