Fog

It has been a crazy few days of weather here in Hastings. Yesterday on the sea front, the sun make it feel warmer than it was in August. But driving two miles up the road, there was dense fog. The same today, one minute you could see clearly, the next it was difficult to see. My little church in Ore Village has a wonderful view usually from the top of the town down towards the sea and over to the headland beyond Eastbourne. Not today! Nothing to be seen but the immediate. No sight of the horizon or far away. 

People keep saying to me "I bet you have less to do now you have a full team of ministers!" But actually, the last month or so have been for me incredibly draining, for various reasons. There are lots of big issues going on, some discontent, some misunderstandings, and some churches in the fog. We have one with amazing premises but needing to see how a small group worshipping there now can move things on, or we discern whether a Circuit town centre project is possible; we have another with challenging premises daring though to take risks and do some refurbishing which might lead to new possibilities or it might not; we have two others coming together next September, having a year of courting and getting to know each other, and finding small details need to be properly discussed; we have another (at the top of this road) which has decided to relinquish its building next September as it is beyond repair but in the fog because we don't know which direction will be right for us, a new build, or partnership with someone else. We are praying hard and working together but as yet, the direction isn't clear. 

It takes a lot of energy I am discovering to be in the fog and it is easy to lose your vision. I have been some days overwhelmed with things and I haven't been very effective. People in the fog have sapped my energy because they are struggling with things and it is easy to be as confused as them if you don't keep the direction and the bigger picture in your mind and heart. The fog is all consuming, it is dangerous, it stops us travelling safely, we simply stumble about, or cause each other harm because we don't take care to travel well, groping for direction together but not deciding in the fog to travel more carefully and slowly. We fail to listen to one another so actually the foggy time feels even worse! 

Today I have decided to get out of my fog. I have suffered from depression in the past which for those of us who have been there, and mine was only mild, is a very foggy and dark place to be. For a time you cannot believe there is a way out. It is easy to be so bogged down you actually cannot do anything well. Today I have spent time refocussing, rediscovering my quiet time and space, getting back my daily walk, and proper mealtimes, and I have actually achieved more in the day than I have for several weeks and at the end of the day I don't feel knackered and I have done some pastoral visiting - which people seem to judge "good ministers" by. 

What do we do if we get fog spiritually? Well, I don't always find The Message helpful, but a translation of 1 Corinthians 13 has hit me: "We don't yet see things clearly. We're squinting in a fog, peering through a mist. But it won't be long before the weather clears and the sun shines bright! We'll see it all then, see it all as clearly as God sees us, knowing him directly just as he knows us!" That, surely, is Christian hope. And I know that the sun is always shining, but sometimes the clouds and the fog hide it from me. It will return and that is good news. The sea is still at the bottom of Clifton Road in this picture in the distance. I cannot see it today, but tomorrow the sky may be blue and I will appreciate it more. 

There is nothing wrong with foggy times in our lives. We need to just admit them, get support in them and move through them carefully. They will pass. And this one, a strange time really, in which I have been okay but have felt directionless and all over the place seems now to be lifting - praise God. 

Blimey, this is a bit honest, isn't it?!?! Blogging through the fog, you could call it :)!