Reciting it until you see it - Holy Week thoughts for Wednesday

I wasn't sure what to write about today - a reflection on plan making and proof reading the plan and my window cleaner coming didn't sound very exciting...

I had a hour and a half pastoral visit this afternoon which wasn't easy. The person was very low and thought no one cared. They thought I didn't care because I hadn't visited for a couple of weeks. They had cancelled an appointment not being able to face people, and for some time they didn't make any eye contact with me. We got onto some deep stuff about naming our pain and our hurt before God, even if God feels very absent today. The person thanked me for coming as I left, having been quite hostile when I arrived.

I've been thinking about this visit all evening as I sat in a Passover meal with Churches Together. Part of the Passover is all about reciting and remembering God's steadfast love. Jews state it as a present reality even in the midst of rubbish going on. There is a need to say it over and over again, especially when we are struggling to believe it: preach faith til you have it. Tomorrow on Maundy Thursday we remember Jesus breaking bread, we remember him as present with us every time we do that, and I know how renewed I am when I am given bread and wine each time at communion. I am reminded that God in Christ cares, suffers, understands, transforms from within and is patient with me until I see the reality of his presence myself. He is always there, it is our life that separates us from him. Perhaps my picture is an illustration of where our spiritual life can be sometimes. Edinburgh Castle a couple of weeks ago had not moved, but I couldn't see it as I walked near it in the evening fog. I had to wait to see it when the sun came out. But it was still there.

I think it is okay to voice when we feel alone or no one cares in our perception. The person I visited today I think was somewhat surprised by my prayer. "Help us voice how we feel O God when life is crappy." Well, life is crappy sometimes, isn't it???!!!! Part of what this week is about for me is that there is nothing in life or death and so on that separates me from the love of God. And I need to say that to myself over and over again.